Ted Cruz Getting Home From His Honeymoon And Heading Straight To The Store To Buy 100 Cans Of Soup Is A Legitimately Frightening Move

When I married Ted, we got back from our honeymoon, and he went off to the store and came home by himself. And I was completely shocked to see that he arrived back at our apartment with literally 100 cans of Campbell’s Chunky soup. I never bought 100 of anything.

This was shocking to me, so we had a tough conversation about it. I said, “You don’t buy 100 of anything, much less canned soup. We can’t do this. I’ll be making things.” He said, “No, I know you. you won’t be making things.”

So the next morning, it was a weekend morning, I loaded up our car before he woke up and returned every single can. And when I got home, I called my mother just to make sure I’d done the right thing as a newlywed. And she emphatically disagreed with me. And so when Ted opened the pantry, I had to quickly tell him that I would go back and buy those cans again.

…

Lot of people saying this election cycle “Ohhh I’m so scared for the future of this country,” “If Candidate X wins I’m moving to Canada or the Moon, America is doomed.” I got to be honest though, I haven’t been legitimately frightened by anything until I heard this story about Ted Cruz buying 100 cans of soup. Like terrified right down deep in my core. It’s not about policies and plans anymore. It’s not about X’s and O’s. It’s about a guy coming back from a tropical island and jumping in the car to buy 100 cans of motherfucking Chunky soup. Can’t trust a guy like that. Won’t trust a guy like that.